Ho boy you know it’s a great time when it’s 8AM and the panic comes and you’re trying not to cry at your desk.

I’m really disappointed that this is where I am right now. Even though I didn’t get to a writing prompt yesterday, I made decisions that made my life better. I walked the dog for a couple hours so that I wouldn’t have to feel frustrated with her wild energy, then I did a 5K on the treadmill. These are things that are good for me usually short-term and long-term.

Yet this morning I find myself obsessed with the people making my life harder amongst the companies I manage. I don’t want to get into any identifying details, but there are a series of people in key positions who refuse to cooperate with me. People who won’t be responsible for their accounting, people who won’t return calls but block me from getting information to return them myself, and people who respond to my queries by writing to email addresses I don’t control.

I know I sound like the common denominator here but one is a family issue, one is threatened by my efficiency, and the other thinks I should apologize for standing up for myself. The common denominator is our boss, and it’s agony trying to keep everything greased and running when it takes a fight on every end.

That, and I have a bad habit absorbing other peoples’ anxieties. The fact that there’s broken equipment and employee issues and things not working for the person in charge gets sucked into my soul so instead of relaxing and just getting my work done, I’m trying not to cry. I feel overwhelmed. To isolate from the issues somewhat I put headphones in with music on, which was a signal for everyone to walk into my office and tell me about the weather. No lie.

Of course, it’s a therapy day, which always makes the rest of the day a little rougher, like I’m girding my heart to get ready to go in deep.

This feels very whiney but hey, it’s where I am at this moment. Best I can do is be nice to myself and give myself and my emotions the same understanding, gentleness and grace that I would a friend going through the same thing.

Wish me luck.